Born at 7:18 p.m.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
10 pounds, 4 ounces
21 1/4 inches
She didn't come with the snowstorm on February 6th, which dumped 27 inches of snow at our house. She didn't come the next week when blizzard conditions added another 20 inches....
I was planning to work up to my due date (February 20th), but at 38 weeks my blood pressure started to go up slightly, so I started my maternity leave on the 12th. We were planning a homebirth, and I knew that if I was going to continue to qualify for at-home care, I needed to keep my blood pressure under control, so I hunkered down at home, took lots of naps, read some books, and tried to keep from going stir-crazy. The due date came and went, my blood pressure had stabilized, and we continued waiting.
On my visit with Evelyn (the midwife) on the 24th, I was only 1 cm dilated with no end in sight. I was having lots of contractions, but nothing serious or persistent. I felt better than I had in a long time because of all the rest, and my blood pressure continued to cooperate. Other than waking up frequently at night, occasional insomnia, difficulty changing positions, and a stuffy nose making it hard to breathe at night, generally I felt good. Surely she would come with the full moon on the 28th....
On the 26th, it finally hit me that this was really going to happen, that I was going to actually give birth and have a baby after all. For the first time, it felt like the end was in sight, thanks to my midwife brain telling me that almost everyone goes into labor by 42 weeks, which meant sometime in the following week. There were still some snow flurries, but I saw 3 bluebirds hanging out in the front yard, and I realized that spring was just around the corner in spite of the snow blanketing our yard. We had the birthing tub set up in the dining room, food in the fridge, birth supplies ready, the nursery stocked; all we needed was labor and a baby.
On March 1st, I started to lose my mind. This baby did not seem to be in any hurry to come out, and had not followed the old wives' tales about full moons and changing barometric pressures. I was happy that the snow was melting sufficiently to make our driveway passable with ample parking spaces, but somehow going past 41 weeks was harder to accept than I anticipated. We had a non-stress test and a sonogram, and everything looked perfect with the baby. The sonogram did suggest a large baby, around 10 pounds, but I didn't believe it because she didn't feel that big to me. It was reassuring to know that she was not stressed, and that her placenta was working well. Because I was getting antsy, the midwife swept my membranes, informed me that I was 2-3 cm dilated, and gave the go-ahead to try castor oil the next day.
On March 2nd, I took some castor oil in the morning, and although it definitely worked on my gut, labor was not forthcoming. That evening, I started having contractions every 2-5 minutes, stronger than they had been before, and we began to think that this might be it. We called family members and the midwife to give them a heads up, but as soon as we started talking about it, the contractions fizzled out. The next morning I was disappointed to wake up feeling great, having slept well.
Over the next few days, I tried cohosh tinctures and other natural methods of labor stimulation, but labor did not start. I alternated between feeling good and falling apart emotionally. It was a total mind game, with me becoming increasingly convinced that I would never go into labor. There is something about not knowing when and how it will all turn out that wreaks havoc with the brain and heart. I was losing faith in my body's ability to finish this process, and losing hope that we would have the birth experience that we wanted and had planned carefully for. The baby was doing great in utero, but I needed to know that there was an end, so I asked Evelyn to schedule an induction for me at the end of the following week. Labor felt both immenent and impossible at this point, and I continued to have ups and downs emotionally while feeling fine physically.
On Sunday, March 7th, 15 days past my due date, I woke up with a strong contraction at 1:30 a.m. "This feels different" I thought.....and went back to sleep. The next contraction woke me up at 3 a.m, and I thought "Well, you can't call it labor if your contractions are 90 minutes apart!" Over the next hour, though, the contractions began to come closer, and I was no longer able to sleep, so I got up and started moving around the house, doing various things to keep myself busy. At 6:30 a.m., I woke up Mike and told him that I needed him to get up an make a loaf of bread since it looked like we were in labor!
Early labor continued throughout the morning. Contractions were tolerable, but definitely continuing in a regular pattern, and they had a different, more intense quality than on previous days. We spent some time soaking up the sun in the nursery, reading the paper, with Mike rubbing my back during some of the stronger contractions. I found that I couldn't do anything except wander around the house aimlessly. Around lunchtime, I decided to call Evelyn just to touch base. Since I was still managing well with the contractions, and they were not all uniformly intense, she suggested that we go outside for a walk, which we did over the next hour. We wandered down by the stream and back through the woods with me leaning on Mike's shoulder during contractions, which definitely picked up steam, coming stronger and closer.
By 1 pm, I was ready to have the birth team assembled, so we started to make some phone calls. At this point I needed to stop and breathe through each contraction, but was still able to converse and laugh between contractions. Mike was cleaning the house and organizing our space according to my wishes, and I was wandering around dealing with contractions every 2-3 minutes. We started filling the aquadoula tub, put chicken in the crock pot, and Mike started making cookies.
Sara, the hypnobirthing instructor/doula, arrived first and was able to give me some good support while Mike finished up preparations. Lori the birth assistant and Evelyn arrived next. I was 5 cm dilated, 100% effaced, and my bag of water was bulging. Ivy's heartbeat was strong and reassuring with no signs of stress, but her head was still somewhat high (at -2 station), and my blood pressure was mildly elevated. Kathy the photographer completed the birth team, and I asked Mike to call my folks to let them know that we were in labor (they were planning to come over afterwards to stay a few days).
From this point forward the afternoon was a bit of a blur, with contractions coming stronger and harder to deal with as time went by. At some point my waker broke, and I decided that I was ready to get in the tub. The water felt great, but the contractions were intense no matter what position I tried. I found it impossible to relax during contractions, but was still able to let go, rest, and even smile between contractions, even though the break was short. It felt like a roller coaster ride of intense internal pressure and tightness, and all I could do was hang on for the ride. There was no controlling the process, only dealing with the intensity and surviving for the brief breaks.
Because my blood pressure was mildly elevated, we decided to try lying on the bed for awhile to see if a position change would make a difference. I was surprised to find that the contractions felt the same no matter where I was, since I had heard that it would be much more intense when getting out of the water. My blood pressure was normal after resting on my side for a bit, and when Evelyn checked me she announced that I was 9 cm dilated. This was music to my ears...I did not feel overwhelmed, but was glad to be nearing the end since these contractions were intense!
I got back in the tub after a while, and was surprised to see that the daylight was fading; time seemed to be passing without my notice. I was definitely in "laborland", just getting the job done. Pretty soon I felt my body begin to bear down at the peak of the contractions. I felt an intense ache inside my pelvis, much higher than I expected. All of a sudden, I felt her head drop down into my pelvis and instinctively reached down to feel her head. During contractions, I could feel that her head was right there, starting to come out. This was the scariest part for me because I could feel the urge to push, but when I did push I felt like I couldn't stop, like a train running out of control. My instinct was to take it slow and let my body do the pushing, so I started blowing bubbles hard into the water when the contractions came. I would give several short pushes at the peak of each contraction, then back off again. I certainly felt like I was going to split in two, yet knew that the only way to be done was to get her out.
I started talking myself into it, getting my game-face on at the beginning of each contraction and working up to an effective push. I could really feel her move when I pushed, and eventually just gave into the process and decided to trust Evelyn to do what needed to be done to help my body finish the job. As my skin gave a bit, I felt a searing pain like I was splitting open, but then Evelyn said that she was crowning, and then she was coming out! The cord was wrapped loosely twice around her neck, and she had her hand up by her face as she came out, but I was amazed how easily she slipped out and was in my arms. As soon as I saw her and felt her body, I knew she was big. She was perfect, with blond peach fuzz and a chubby, solid body. She started breathing right away, and was pretty relaxed hanging out with us in the warm water. It was soon time to cut the cord, and I handed her to Mike, who carried her while I walked to the bedroom.
It felt so good to be done, to have successfully completed the labor and birth in a way that we had dreamed. I didn't need stitches; my girl was healthy and ready to breastfeed, and apart from some heavier bleeding in the postpartum period, all was well. My parents walked in about 40 minutes after Ivy was born; their timing was perfect and they were able to make phone calls to the rest of the gang. We weighed her, then did it again in disbelief just to be sure we had it right. I was shocked that she was over 10 pounds, since in my mind she came out fairly easily with no major drama or complications. At the end of the day, I realized that I had done it, my body had not let me down, and I felt a renewed faith in the natural process.
Time passed quickly over the next week. I still couldn't believe that she had been inside of me, and that somehow she came out! Because of my blood loss, I stayed in bed most of the time, but felt better every day. It was both humbling and wonderful to be taken care of by family in those first days, to eat good food, rest, and marvel at the newbie.
It has now been several weeks, and we are doing well. I am amazed by how much time it takes to care for a newborn (like you are busy, but in slow-motion since most of your time is spent sitting). We have been blessed with an "easy" baby so far, and are soaking it up. She likes to smile, loves to eat (weighed in at 11 pounds last week), enjoys her bath, and is teaching me to slow down to savor the moments.
Ivy's birth was a fantastic experience, exactly what we had dreamed of and planned for. Many thanks to the birth team for enabling us to have the day we wished for, to my family for taking care of us afterwards, to my coworkers for filling in extra at the practice, to Ivy for being such a peach, to Mike for being the man of my dreams, and to all you women out there whose births I have attended for your tutelage and inspiration.
~Chris Bontrager
